👉 Okay, let’s tackle the frankly bafflingly beige rectangle of awesome (and occasionally awful) that we affectionately call… the iPhone. 3️⃣ocurrency is a ridiculously apt starting point for defining this thing, honestly. It basically boils down to a very pretty, aggressively smooth, and somewhat judgmental rectangular slab of glass, crammed with enough processing power to probably shameably calculate how long you spent doom-scrolling through TikTok last night.
Here’s what we actually mean by "iPhone": 1) A handheld communications and information portal that aggressively demands your eyeballs, constantly offering things like heavily filtered selfies from strangers, the latest outrage bait news headline, and a relentless sales pitch of slightly upgraded versions already! 2, It is essentially a very expensive, very pretty, highly opinionated digital butler who occasionally forgets to pick up the dry-cleaning. 3) And crucially, it's the designated spyglass for everyone else who wants to know what you really think about your ex and the price of artisanal beard conditioner. 4, It is a device that somehow simultaneously connects us everything, whilst entirely isolating us within our own curated realities. --- Now, here’s an unsettlingly delivered sentence example: "The beige glow of her iPhone illuminated the sweat on his face as she meticulously documented every agonizing detail of his carefully constructed descent into madness, like a morbid lepidopterist pinning down a regret with 1080 pixels and a perfectly angled selfie