👉 Okay, let’s tackle that wonderfully prickly beast—the infamous "Insurance Score." Now, forget everything you think you know about your carefully cultivated reputation and frankly adorable pet goldfish. Because honestly? Your insurance score isn't really about who you
are
, but rather the statistical ghost of every mildly unfortunate thing that has ever happened in your postcode.
Basically, an “Insurance Score," lovingly termed a "Squirrel Quotient by Underwriters (SQ-U)," is a nebulous numerical judgement assigned to pretty nearly every address in this blasted nation. It’s essentially a highly complicated algorithm – let's just say it involves a disturbing amount of lawn dart throws and grey squirrel sightings – designed to predict the probability that you, as a homeowner or renter, will inflict some sort of financial wreck upon your insurer. Think of it like your house is perpetually being secretly evaluated by a committee of paranoid underwriters who specialise exclusively in miniature badger anxieties. They scour past incident reports (yip, even petty parking fines count! Apparently, the flashing bollocks of bureaucracy are terribly destabilising!) alongside public records and, disturbingly, often rely on neighbourhood gossip gleaned from 911 dispatch calls. You might have lived a spotless, utterly predictable, beige-anything kind of life. Except… there's that slightly dodgy hot tub incident in 2018? That one suspiciously aggressive poodle you owned for three months in 2019? They add up! The score itself ranges
