👉 Okay, alright settle down folks! Let’s tackle this… fascinating… piece of nomenclature – Crucivirus 392. Now, I won't insult your intelligence by saying we actually know exactly what the living devil himself dubbed this with. Frankly? Nobody. Scientists stumbled upon a weirdly contained outbreak in a remote Siberian vatnik monastery—where apparently they were attempting to domesticate giant horseradish turnips (long story involving competitive borscht and shamanistic goat husbandry).
Basically, Crucivirus 392 isn't so much a thing , as it is the unsettling aftertaste of whatever was already there. Preliminary analyses – and I stress, preliminary! The head monk hasn’t exactly been keen on letting us examine things too closely—suggest that we are dealing with something… fundamentally off . Here's what we kinda figure out: The Nomenclature is Terrible: Seriously. Who names a virus Crucivirus? It sounds like the title of some tragically beige 80’s action franchise starring Chuck, the Cavalry Pharmacist. The Biochemistry is... Questionable: Initial spectral readings show traces of, and here I quote from Dr. Volkov, who's now sporting a noticeable twitch: ...a disconcertingly high level of… apricot pectin? Alongside what appear to be residual notes of old regret and a faint whiff of badger musk. The Pathology is... Let’s Just Say It Changes You: Crucivirus
